I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
