I hope mine doesn't look like that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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