Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
