you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
