my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
