I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
