one might say we're banned from that church
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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