Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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