Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
