i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
