So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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