**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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