R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
