he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
