I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
