glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
