I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
