After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize