we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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