GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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