i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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