is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
