don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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