So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
