dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
