We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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