Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
