Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize