Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
