24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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