Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
