I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
