Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
