Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
