Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I smell like Dick and happiness
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
