wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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