Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
