he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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