I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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