Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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