dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
