great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize