this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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