I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
