I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
