planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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