I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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