I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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