You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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