This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
