he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
