I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
