Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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