I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize