I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
