i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
