His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
