When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
