What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize